Beauty - It's Skin Deep, Bitches

A'ight. Tonight we are going to be doin' some word-play and analyzing deep shit here. DEEEEEEEEEEEEEP SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Ya know, I have this really, REALLY horrible problem with looking at other girls and comparing myself to them. It's stupid, and unnecessary, but I don't care. I feel horrible because I cannot even fathom what their life is like while being that fucking BMI. Seriously. Or taking care of their skin like that. How do they have a life? How do they make their money? All the girls I know that make their own money by doing hard, dirty labor at retail or restaurant jobs have tons of blemishes that they simply cover up with make up. 

And know, I hear some of you in my head saying "Well it's all in the way they present themselves to society." Fuck that shit. If you're really thin, got a decent face and decent hair, you're one makeup bag away from gettin' all the guys. Why? MEN ARE SHALLOW AND BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP.

Okay, not all men are this way, but most are. There is this really AWESOME (Sarcasm Detector: HIGH) thing we humans worry about and do all the time. We judge. And what's worse is that we judge on first impressions. So because I'm fat, overweight, not wearing the best/latest clothing that is skin-tight and reveals the Twins and my Hoochie, then I'm some kinda frigid fat chick that is too busy eating to get a life and get some sex. However, flaunt around some of the Twins and Hoochie and Imma tryhard fat chick that is flinging herself at any guy with a dick to finally lose her virginity.

You know it's true, stop denying it. Even we women do it too. I can't tell you how many women I've seen wearing next to nothing and thinking "Dayum, girl wants to get LAID." But (And hindsight bias IS very much in effect here, perhaps) I think it's all about clothing and representation. If you want a laugh about what NOT to wear (Because I don't have time to go through all the clothes that you SHOULDN'T wear.) go look at Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Fashion Tips. It might save you the embarrassment of wearing something that is NOT flattering on you.

But in all seriousness, there really ARE some things that girls of any size should not wear. It's different, but it goes something along the lines of: "If it's really too big for your normal clothes, don't try to wear something that barely covers it up. If you want it to look bigger, pad that shit up with the right frills and fluffs." Works for eyes and it works for body parts too. But, to be honest, women are our own biggest critic. I know that if I were to wear the right things, I could look Oh-So-Sexy  to anyone, but I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin because of what SOCIETY says I need to look like. 

Darling, I could eat that model for breakfast. Even poor Demi Lovato and Jennifer Lawrence got PhotoShop Tummy tucks and instant tone-ups before getting slapped onto the covers of magazines. It's like: Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? Those women are strong and nicely shaped and you're MAKING THEM SOMETHING ELSE? God, it makes me so sick. My BMI is 40.1, Demi's is 25 and Jennifer's is around 23. Demi is considered "Fat" and Jennifer is "Healthy" and you're reading a blog by an "Obese"-as-fuck Bitch. My issues are deep seeded. They may be my own fault because I allow myself to get this worked up over what other girls look like, but damn. If a hot chick walked past my beau (Or butch, I swing that way too) and they were FAR more attractive by society's standards, you bet your ass I'd feel insecure and threatened. 

It took me a LONG time to let my man convince me that he loved me because of my sweetheart mannerisms and that he didn't care about my weight. But *I* Fucking care about my weight. It REALLY sucks to be big and have every girl check out my man's butt and give me dirty looks for holding his hand. Seriously? Get a life. I want to be pretty for me. So I finally feel like I don't have to worry about anything. Like I am the best I can be. I'm good Socially, Psychologically, Academically, and Financially, but not quite in the Physically and Spiritually. And those fucking bother me. Because I'm not the best I can/could be. And I know that I can't always be the best, but it doesn't stop me from trying and it certainly doesn't stop me from wanting to obtain those goals. Hell, even if I were close, I'd be totally okay with it. But I'm not even close.

Ya know what? I can't help it if I want to compare myself to others. I want to find a goal and continue comparing myself to it until I'm there, and these women are just my bits and pieces of my last goal. Lemme tell ya, my Man's last woman was a CRAZY hoe, but she was SMOKIN' hot. And the other one he wanted was pretty damn sexy and sweet, but halfway across the United States. And then there's little me.

Yeah me, with the curly brown hair, brown eyes, freckled face with blackheads and obvious imperfections and a fat body. I am truly and honestly surprised he can keep it up when we mess around. Even *I* find myself unattractive disrobed. Even with makeup on. EVEN WITH A $300 DRESS ON I STILL FEEL UGLY BECAUSE I THINK I AM UGLY. There. It's done. We are ugly because we feel like we're ugly. We scour ourselves for imperfections and mess up our views with our faults. It is so easy. So, so fucking easy to be a Debbie Downer about how we look. I'd like to be an Uplifting Annie for once and go "Okay, not my best looking today, but let's just put some coverup on so we can look fabulous for work!" Or some such shit like that. But nah, I like the easy route. That's why I'm fat. 

I'm out for tonight. And I don't remember what the fuck I ate today, so I say I've failed to curb my calorie intake for the day. 

     ~The Lamb's Witch

The Customer is NOT Always Right

Yes I went to another bar last night. Don't like it? Too bad, don't say anything.

All right. I have a problem with whiny little brats. And no, I don't mean meatbags under the age of 14, I mean grown adults who complain about fucking EVERYTHING because they don't listen.

I work in a fabric and rug store. Our rugs have a policy attached to them that state that if you buy a rug, you CANNOT (100% CAN-FUCKING-NOT) return it, you can only exchange it, but there are no limits on the exchanges, you can do it as many times as you want to in order to find the perfect rug. ALL of us were trained and rehearsed to tell the customers at LEAST 3 times the policy: when they ask (they always do), when they are choosing between a few, and before we swipe their card. I have even gotten into the habit of circling the 14-day exchange policy on the receipts because this has happened so many fucking times in our store.

Today, a woman came in with one of our really nice, new rugs and wanted to return it, saying it was just the wrong color. I told her to go look at the other rugs and let me know when she was ready to exchange. She insisted on returning and when I told her it was our company policy to not return, but exchange rugs, she threw the BIGGEST temper tantrum I have EVER seen. She screamed and insisted that she was told she could return it as a "trial-run" and demanded to speak with a manager. So I go grab our manager and not 5 minutes later, I see the woman leave in a huff, stomping her feet and jiggling her big ass our of our store with the rug. Our manager told her the exact same thing and showed her the signs all over the store, in front of EACH register and on the receipt.

Oh wait, I'm not even DONE with this story.

Later on, my manager gets a call from our Owner and chats about what happened.

Yes, fucking yes. This little bitch CALLED OUR CORPORATE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR STORE POLICY. WHAT THE FUCK.

To make matters even worse, our owner decided to give THE LITTLE WHORE HER MONEY BACK. Okay, then why the fuck is this policy even in place? If you're going to give this little whining brat her money back like that, then why even tell us that we can't do it? It just means that anyone who whines and complains gets what they want. PROTECT YOUR GODDAMN EMPLOYEES, Good Sir! We get insulted because you pull shit like this. Just... God damn.

I'm too tired to keep this rant up. I've said what I wanted and I am SO glad I left before she came back. I might have accidentally smacked her in the face with a heavy bolt of fabric... *cough cough*

          ~The Lamb's Witch

     Daily Food Intake:
          Breakfast: Orange (100), Fries (75)
          Lunch: Orange (100), Pot pie (400)
          Dinner: Fried Chicken (200), Chips (150), Dip (100)
     Total: 1125 Calories

Late Posts and Fuck You, Good Sir

A'ight... Learn to let people go. 

So I skipped a post the other night because I was having the time of my life at a Karaoke bar a short ride away from where I live. I was the DD for the night, but that didn't stop me from having THE BEST FUCKING TIME EVER WITH FRIENDS! Even us Fat Bitches gotta have their fun. ;)

After a few drinks, I gotta get a couple friends sober for their ride home, so we all go to a Denny's nearby. When we walk in, I scan the scene just to take in who's around and I immediately spot a coworker. Not a good worker that you wanna go "EEEEeeeyyy! It's you! Sup, brah?" No, this is the kind of coworker you PURPOSEFULLY avoid eye contact with when you're out of the workplace because outside of the workplace there are no rules as to how you have to treat them. And believe me, sometimes I would love to just strangle this little useless turd until he goes purple and blue. You don't do your job, you sit on your phone all goddamn shift and text and play around with it and YOU TELL US ABOUT YOUR SECOND JOB. 

Let me explain. This guy doesn't have an ordinary second job. No, this little turd has admitted to being a DRUG DEALER. 

What the fuck. You don't admit that to anyone. Like, ever.

The worse part is that when this guy was hired, our manager was all like: Well, my SON vouched for his working ethics so I'll hire him based off of that. Yeah, a druggie, useless turd was hired as a third key to our store. And this guy has managed to stick around for over two months. At first, he was pretty okay, but afterwards he just let loose and stopped giving a fuck about his job. He would even go sign spinning because it was "boring" inside.

Um, sorry, brah. You are not getting paid 9.50 an hour just to twirl a goddamn piece of plastic and cardboard around. Especially if I get paid 8.00 to do the cleaning, the go-backs, the straightening, the customer service, the opening, the closing, AND cleaning up after YOUR shit. Hell to the fucking no. After watching this, my manager FINALLY got fed up. Especially after her assistant manager left because she refused to let this fucking idiot go. 

YOU COULDN'T HAVE LET HIM GO EARLIER? Jesus, you're like a clingy girl in an abusive relationship, you take all his shit until your friends abandon you because you're beyond hope and you're in serious denial. Your two assistants, your sales associates all told you that they hated him because he didn't do any work. Did you think we were JOKING about that?! There is a Spice Girls song that works in this scenario:

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. 

Make it last forever friendship never ends. 

If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give.

Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is."

Amen, Spice Girls, you classy buncha singers.

You are the girl, your friends are the coworkers that have been with you through thick and thin and try their hardest to help in any way they can. Your lover is the newbie. Look at the song. Loooook at it. Get it? Yeah, that's how it should be. If you're in a retail store, ya gotta give and keep giving in order to get something back. Otherwise your coworkers wanna strangle you until you're blue and purple. It really does suck, the guy was all cool and nice at first, but then he got lazy and became a douche. Le sigh.

Anyway, my moral for the day is to never, ever cling onto someone (Workplace or otherwise) and hope that they change after you've told them over and over and over again to do something because their current behaviors are negatively affecting you, and they show absolutely NO signs of changing their behavior. That's messed up, seriously. Had that happen to me and I got burned so badly I'm STILL seeing a therapist about that shit. 

All right all, stay classy.

~The Lamb's Witch

     Daily Calorie intake:

          Breakfast: Denny's breakfast wrap (590)

          Lunch: Cup Noodle with Shrimp (300), Cup Noodle with Chicken (250)

          Dinner: Brown rice 1 cup (200), Chicken and Green Beans (210), chicken and mushrooms (230)

 

    Total Calories for the day: 1780 (Not my best, but definitely okay for such a long day)

"Fat Shaming" It's a thing

Be Ashamed of "Fat Shaming"... Ya bunch of dicks.

Okay, so today I have an issue with people that "Fat Shame". For those of you who are not acquainted with "Shaming" in any sense of the phrase, it has to do with derogatory remarks meant to specifically make a person who looks or acts a certain way feel shame. "Slut Shaming" is when you call someone a whore, slut, or even cat call and make hand, hip or even hand gestures designed to make another person feel like a sexual object rather than a person. In that respect, "Fat Shaming" is about making another person feel really bad about their weight. Other than "bullying" there hasn't been a phrase to put to this specific type of harassment until very recently. 

The other day, I was looking at my Cosplay page that I liked on Facebook. There was a woman featured where her before and after photos of her from 2011 and 2013 showed a great deal of weight loss. She couldn't have been more than +20lbs from me, and yet she went down to flat tummy and strong, carved arms and legs. The comments were the best parts of the feature. Tons congratulated the girl for the weight loss and for finding her "inner beauty" show onto her body for others to see. Even more called her an "inspiration" for women who wanted to lose weight to that extent. But what fascinated me were the comments that were almost double-edged or back handed. 

"Finally, a fat bitch that found out how to not over-eat." 

-and-

"That's obviously not her. Not only is it impossible to loose THAT much weight in 2 yrs, but the two girls look NOTHING alike."

...

...

...

*Slow breath in*

THE FUCKING HELL! Not only is it COMPLETELY possible to lose roughly 50 pounds in a year, but these ignorant bastards decided that THEY were the ones that dictated if the girl was even pretty or not!

Fuck.

You.

This is my issue with society's standards today. Only 10% ever meet the "Ideal" Standards of women. Not only that, but open up a fucking magazine and take a look at the way the girls are portrayed. "Sexy", with tousled hair, legs slightly open, breasts pronounced and a soft, dewy skin tone. 

Hi, my name is Myr and I have short, frizzy-curly hair and I'm very curvy and I have rolls and I have freckles all over my skin and scars and my legs have scars from when I used to cut in high school. Fuck you, society. In your eyes, I've already failed as a woman just because I don't look like that.

When I go out to work out or even go for a walk by myself, I see thin girls in tight tops and what I like to call "Hoochie Shorts", the shorts that look like they could pass as denim bloomers in Japan. And, yes, they tend to show off a little bit of the girls'... Hoochie. Then there's me, in shorts to my knees and an empress-top with 5-inch sleeves to cover my flabby arms. I still get weird looks, even today, if I wear anything other than that. 

If I want to go out in a tennis skirt and my jogging top to go for a fast walk before doing some exercises for my leg (Which I can't feel) and my ankle (which is naturally very weak), I have to get disgusted stares, low mutters about what I'm wearing, and dirty looks all the time from passerby.

Um... Excuse me. Who the fuck gave YOU permission to judge ME with your eyes? See what you're doing with your eyes? Fucking stop it. You do not define if I'm pretty or not. I'm not naked, I'm not letting my breasts spill out from my top. UNLIKE YOU. You got boobs. I get it. Congratulations for being a female and having mammaries to feed your offspring. I bet you have a vagina too. -_-

This brings me back to my main point of why "Fat Shaming" Should be destroyed. Us overweight girls already know that we're overweight. We don't need to be reminded, thanks. What we NEED is support to feel good about OURSELVES so WE can work out and be healthy for US. 

OUR weight has nothing to do with YOU. Got it? 

NOTHING. 

AT ALL! 

If you think so, you can shove a cactus covered in Ghost Pepper up your own ass. 

People celebrate a girl's success AFTER she has been able to achieve her goal of weight loss. Otherwise, they give her looks for being overweight and trying to lose weight. I've also been told to just go home and go eat what's in my fridge because that's all I'll ever do and the gym is for thin people. Fucking...

What? WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?! You want us to be thin, so you make us feel bad about being fat and then tell us that we'll never BE thin in the first place and tell us to just... keep... being... fat...

Yeah. Good job, society. You're fucking genius. *clap clap clap*

Everyone wants an underdog. Everyone wants someone they can dump their shit on so they feel better about themselves. LEARN TO USE A FUCKING TOILET AND DEAL WITH YOUR OWN SHIT.

That's it. I'm done for tonight.

Oh yeah, and before I forget:

   Breakfast: Water, Diet Peach Tea (10 calories), CLIF bar (240 Calories)

   Lunch: 1c Honey Roasted Nuts (320 Calories), carrots (30 calories)

   Dinner: Platter at the Sunrise Cafe (660 calories)

   Calories total for the day: 1,270

          ~The Lamb's Witch

In My Beginning

The Beginning... of a Journey.

Welcome Friends, Guests, and those Viewers who have stumbled upon this blog. My name is Myr, but on Blogger, my name is The Lamb's Witch.

This blog has been created in the hopes of holding myself responsible for my own daily tasks and track my progress as I begin my journey to reconstruct myself physically, mentally, and metaphysically. As the name suggests, I am considered "fat" by society's standards in the United States and these are going to be my thoughts and rants. I am also going to be keeping a daily food tracker at the end of each blog so we can both understand how food can sometimes be a cause of emotions.

And herein lies my rant-mode. For tonight, my first blog is going to be short. Follow me if you wish, and we shall enter this journey together.

          ~The Lamb's Witch